Houston Texans linebacker Azeez Al-Shaair shared that he was in a “really dark place” and questioned whether he would ever play football again after being suspended for three games due to his hit on Jacksonville’s Trevor Lawrence, which caused a concussion.
Speaking to reporters for the first time since his suspension, Al-Shaair opened up about his feelings during the time away from the game.
“When somebody says they’re in a dark place, as dark as you can go is where I was truthfully,” he said.
Al-Shaair mentioned that it was difficult to imagine playing football again before meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and league executives Troy Vincent and Jon Runyan.
The hit on Lawrence caused the quarterback to clench both fists in a reaction that is often seen after a brain injury. Lawrence was down for several minutes as his teammates rushed to his side, leading to a brawl. While Al-Shaair was leaving the field after being ejected, fans began yelling at him, and a further altercation occurred with Jaguars guard Brandon Scherff.
Texans teammate Will Anderson tried to escort Al-Shaair off the field when a fan threw a water bottle, hitting Anderson in the helmet.
Al-Shaair understood the suspension but disagreed with how Runyan described him in the letter informing him of the punishment. The letter mentioned Al-Shaair’s “lack of sportsmanship and respect for the game of football,” which he found troubling.
“I really had a moment of, there’s no way I can go out and play football again if this is how people that I work with view me,” Al-Shaair said.
He said Runyan clarified that he was referring only to the hit and the subsequent brawl and not to his entire career. Al-Shaair admitted that he made a mistake by taking off his helmet and starting another fight, but he insisted that he never intended to hurt Lawrence.
After his suspension, Al-Shaair spent about five days without doing much. He described the experience as “a blur,” where he didn’t eat or go anywhere.
However, messages of encouragement from children at a foster care organization in Tennessee, which he had met during his time with the Titans, helped him get out of his slump.
“I can just keep sitting here sad and sulking, or I can just do what I always do, which is just try to be positive and spread positivity,” Al-Shaair said.
He flew to Nashville to attend a foster care event he had previously attended, and the positive reception from people there helped him feel better.
“When you see people that were happy to see me, it kind of snapped me back,” he said. “Regardless of what’s being said, you know who you are and just lean into that.”
Now, as the Texans prepare for their game against the Titans on Sunday, Al-Shaair is ready to return to the field for the first time since the hit on Lawrence. Texans head coach DeMeco Ryans is excited to have him back, as the team has struggled with injuries and two consecutive losses heading into the playoffs.
“We’ve missed him over these past three weeks, just missed his presence, his leadership, missed his playmaking ability on the field,” Ryans said. “So, we’re excited to get him back out there and let him knock some of the rust off.”
